Dear Douchebag,

Dear Douchebag,

I’m auditioning for a local film and the director asked me to meet him at a restaurant to discuss the role with him. I went and he pretty much told me I could have the part if I wanted it, so why don’t we enjoy a meal together? The conversation got a bit personal and he asked me if I was seeing anyone, etc. I felt like we were on a date. He’s twenty years older than me.

It’s a great role, and I really think it would advance my career. Should I take it, or am I just asking for trouble?




David S. Hogan responds:

Dear Skeeved,

I would strongly caution you against taking this part. For one thing, anyone who offers you a role without auditioning you is quite unprofessional (unless they are very familiar with your work), and asking you to dinner to “discuss the role,” then taking the conversation to a personal level, makes me very uncomfortable. And, I wasn’t even there. There is another part for you. Stay positive, keep auditioning, and keep it professional.


dilettante douchebag responds:

Dear Skeeved,

Did you get dessert?

I say take it. You’re going to be dealing with this sort of thing for the majority of your career. (I’m assuming you are a relatively young, attractive woman.) You may as well get used to it.

The sad fact is that producers and directors usually only hire people because they are hoping that somewhere in the great romantic adventure of the film making process you will overcome your physical disgust of them long enough to give them a reluctant blowjob behind the gaffer’s van. After all, if a dude is getting a little long in the tooth and is intractably skeevy, where else is he going to get to be in close contact with young, beautiful women? His wife’s pinochle club? I think not.

Many actors either exploit this dynamic actively or unconsciously respond to the incentives they are presented with. They adopt a flirty demeanor with those who are able to give them roles, cultivate an atmosphere of sexual tension, and a perceived potential for sexual reward. I’m not saying it’s right, it’s kind of sick and pathetic, but it is what it is. Actors who master the minefield of sexual politics are more likely to get roles. You don’t have to actually blow him, but you can allow him to think that it is a possibility. And for god’s sake never mention your boyfriend/husband, much less bring him on set.

Or you could express your concerns to him and explain that you would like to keep things on a very professional plane. After which he will give the role to someone with whom he feels the potential for romance.


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