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Review–From Fiction To Fact

From Fiction To Fact (2011)

Genre: Smarmy Shite

Director: Raj Patel

Writer: Raj Patel

Stars: Philip WheelerRhyan Schwartz and Coltron James

 

John the writer has a heart attack whilst perusing the peanut aisle at the 7-11 and wakes up in on the lawn next to a freeway drainage pond.

Yes. This is heaven.

Heaven is a lot like Portland, but with poor lighting and camera direction. And a painfully cheesy soundtrack. John wanders around a bit, without focus. And by that I mean that he is literally out of focus in the frame.

John stumbles on a fellow writer, James, who explains to John that writers can meet the characters they wrote about in heaven, and shows John a phone book where he can look them up. James ended his life by blowing his brains out. (And if he wrote this screenplay then I can hardly blame him.)

John meets his characters in a diner and makes small talk. He tells them how amazing it is to meet them and that they will always be a part of him. He knows them as well as he knows himself, will always remember them, knows what they will do, and they will always be a part of his heart. John proposes a toast: “To family, friendship, love. To death, earth and especially life. Cheers.”

*fucking gag*

John is played by Phillip Wheeler, an actor with the presence of a salted cod fish. They literally could have used a large sea-going organism in his place, dubbed dialog over the top of it, and gotten a better performance.

The rest of the actors? Who cares at this point?

The script is… I don’t know what it is. An affront? An abomination? Dude dies and gets to meet the characters he wrote about. First of all, if I went to heaven and met the characters I wrote about, I would ask to go to hell instead, it’d be safer there. But this dude sits around and all but blows his characters in a smarmy, avuncular, kumbayah douche fest. Where’s the conflict, the struggle? The only struggle I perceived was me trying not to throw my shoe at my computer screen.

If From Fiction To Fact has any merit, it is in serving as an example of how not to make an indie film:

  • Don’t film a shitty script just because you wrote it.
  • Don’t hire actors because they are convenient, get people who can act.
  • Don’t skimp on the camera guy.
  • Don’t watch this film. Ever.

 

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